I am at a point in my life where I am wanting more – wanting more from my work, wanting more for Aaron and wanting more for my family. I am discontent. That is so hard to write and I sound so silly and honestly dumb saying it. I have been going through a Bible Study with my friend, and we were talking one night about how we are never content. Honestly, if you looked at my life from the outside I am sure you would say that I was living the American Dream. And I totally would agree, God has blessed me beyond measure with a wonderful husband, a great job, a house, a family that loves me and so much more.
But the crazy thing is I am still not happy – I want more.
How can that be? How can I want more when I seem to already have the world.
I think it comes down to a sinful heart. I am jealous and envy what others have and am not truly thankful for the things I have. How can I, a child of God, not be thankful for what my Father has given me. When can I learn to say, just a Paul said, “I have learned that whatever state I am in to be content” ?
This thought has been laying heavy on my heart for some time. I don’t know the quick fix to this problem, probably because there is not one, but I do know what I need more than the things I want, is more of God. A big dose of God and a reminder of his mercy and grace is what I need to change my wants to a yearning for him, and my cries for more to a song of praise to Him.
A life always wanting, I believe, leads to a life not truly lived. It is a life always looking around the bend.
I am saying this because that is how I live my life. I am a scheduler to the nth degree and love to know what’s coming next. But I am learning that this is not the life that God has in mind. He knows what is around the bend and wants us to say “Lord, I trust you, where you lead I will follow. I am thankful for all that you have, You are enough for me.”
That is so so so hard for me – I wish you knew. I am not writing this because I am doing this but because I know that this is what God has called me to do. I am called to live for Him.
The verse that says “What good is it if you gain the whole world but lose your soul?” comes to mind. In this culture we live in today, it is easy to never be content or happy with what we have. But I want to change my prayers from “Lord, please give me x” to “Lord, please use me, and help me enjoy the life you have given me. Please let me be used by you and lead me down your paths. Thank you for knowing what lies ahead, I trust you Lord.”
All the wanting and yearning for the extras in life will get me nothing – I must first yearn for Him.
“Seek ye first the kingdom of God and all His rightousness and all these things shall be added unto you.”